1) You’re empowering.
2) I like your voice.
3) You’re strong.
4) I think your ideas/beliefs matter.
5) I’m so happy you exist.
6) More people should be listening to what you have to say.
7) You’re a very warm hearted person.
8) It’s nice seeing such kindness.
9) You’re very down to earth.
10) You have a beautiful soul.
11) You inspire me to become a better person.
12) Our conversations bring me a lot of joy.
13) It’s good to see someone care so much.
14) You’re so understanding.
15) You matter a lot to me.
16) You’re important even if you don’t think so.
17) You’re intelligent.
18) Your passion is contagious.
19) Your confidence is refreshing.
20) You restore my faith in humanity.
21) You’re great at being creative.
22) You’re so talented at ____.
23) I don’t get tired of you the way I get tired of other people.
24) You have great taste in ___.
25) I’m happy I stayed alive long enough to meet you.
26) I wish more people were like you.
27) You’re so good at loving people.”
Apparently it’s not socially acceptable for a man to invite another man out just for coffee or to go out for a meal, in case it’s perceived as a date. Like it’s fine if you wanna go to the pub and drink beer and have a chat but make it non-alcoholic and suddenly you’re not straight anymore? You can go to the cinema together but ONLY if it’s an action movie. You guys can’t even just go shopping with each other. Oh masculinity, so fragile, so strange.
1. People say that when you love someone you see stars when you kiss them, but stars burn out and leave a bad taste in your mouth and holes in the sky where light used to be.
2. When I was 9 I broke my arm and I was convinced that I heard the bone shatter and I started screaming and crying and I had to spend 6 hours in the hospital. I saw the x-Ray, there were cracks under my skin, I don’t want another 6 hours in the hospital and cracks in every bone in my body when you say goodbye
3. My sister fell in love with the boy who lived down the street, the one with dark hair that always fell into his eyes, who spoke in twisted poetry and kissed her like she was all he would ever need, when he told her that he met someone else she stopped eating and only wore long sleeves no matter how hot it was outside, she didn’t smile and she stopped writing poetry after that.
4. I know that when I meet a boy who makes my stomach flutter I’ll want to take him up to my roof and make him count the stars with me the way I do when I’m sad and I’ll want him to hold my hand while we cross the bridge next to the library that makes me feel less alone and I know that once it’s over, I won’t be able to go up to the roof without hoping I fall off and I won’t be able to set foot on that bridge without swallowing him whole.
5. When my dad ran away with the pretty blonde woman he met in Vegas who smelled like smoke and spoke through cheap red lipstick I swear my mother’s heart stopped, I don’t think it’s ever going to start again. I don’t want my heart to die before I do.
6. I don’t want his voice stuck in my head or his touch lingering on my skin, I don’t want his smell soaking through my bedsheets or the way he tastes drilling cavities in my teeth. I don’t want to have to forget. I don’t want to have to miss him. I don’t want my chest to hurt more than it already does.
7. I never really liked butterflies anyway, I always thought ladybugs were a lot nicer.
8. I don’t want to have to stop smoking so many cigarettes because he worries about the way I breathe while I sleep. I don’t want to stop hurting myself because he hates finding blood on the inside of my sleeves. I don’t want to have to fix myself for anyone because I don’t think I can.
9. I hate the way I know I’ll shake when he kisses someone else or lets his phone go to voicemail when I call.
10. I don’t want to meet his mother. I don’t want to wear a nice skirt or make small talk. I don’t want to be torn apart under a microscope. I don’t want to hear her whisper to you about how messy my hair is. I don’t want to watch her cry because she always thought you’d end up with a good girl.
11. I never finish books. I hate endings. I don’t know how to say goodbye. The words get caught in my throat and choke me. I think trying to let would kill me.”
how i will love you: my hands are shaky so i cannot carry two things at once without risking one of them dropping. i will bring your hot cocoa all the way from the kitchen to the couch before i go back to get my own. you will say, “you’re missing it” but i will watch you blindly take a sip of Nesquik’s magic blend and this to me will be more comforting than all of the explosions of the terrible action movie we’ve dedicated the past half hour to.
how i will love you: with sirens in my teeth that sob about everything. you will ask why i clench my jaw when i sleep, i will tell you that the nightmares are back and they are hunting. i have the ashes of burned forest coursing through my bloodstream. there are days where you will kiss me and you will taste nothing but screams.
how i will love you: i will read aloud your horoscope before mentioning mine. i will only tell you the dreams where you are the main character or if imaginary you and i made out a lot and bought ice cream. i will make you sandwiches, but only if you ask nicely. i will offer you my coat even though it would never fit you and i’m only wearing one layer underneath. i will worry about you, because i worry about everything.
how i will love you: you will not hear from me on the worst nights, because sadness makes my words go silent. you will have to hunt for the evidence that i’m ready to die in fractured unsure sentences that are entirely devoid of light. you will know me for my tidal waves: that i pull back into my ocean entirely before i spill over and ruin everything. i cannot commit you to being my anchor. i will hide from you and think that this is how i save you.
how i will love you: one day i will tell you about where the scars are from and we will count them. there will be a lot more than you can see because not all of my scars are on the outside of me. and if after this you can still kiss me in all honesty, i will tie together universes to bring you whatever you want or need.
how i will love you: my hands will shake and sometimes i will come apart at the seams. you will probably occasionally wonder if the world will end before i stop talking. i will steal all of your comfy clothing. i will try to adopt more plants than you feel comfortable owning. i will occasionally demand silence while i pick a corner and read. i cannot promise i will be perfect or even close to the person that you need. i can only say that when i’m having cake, i will save you the last piece.”